Right Relations

Wisdom Teachings
Right Living

We have all descended from the Divine and work in Creation. But when we enter into a relation with Creation, we forget that we are Sons of God. As we emerge from the background of existence as units of consciousness and enter into a relation with the world, we move from unity into diversity, from the eternal into the temporal. We consider objectivity and diversity to be real and forget the original wholeness. Wholeness is the original truth - THAT I AM. Objectivity is a magical, illusionary world that cosmic mind has created from the five elements and to which we relate with the five senses.

From THAT, the background of existence, THAT I AM happens; from THAT, Creation also emerges. I AM is the soul, a unit of pulsating awareness; it assumes different identities and roles to relate to the environment. All worldly relationships are only temporarily real. The only relationship that is permanent is the relationship we have with the Lord. We can never be separated from the Lord, because the Lord Himself exists as us. Only existence is real. Also the relations between a Master and a disciple and between a Master and other Masters are eternal because they concern the Divine and all live in freedom and free will. That is why there is no attachment. The aspect of attachment comes as segregation on the emotional level; on the higher levels this does not exist.

Even though all other relationships are only temporary, we should accept them as real for the moment. We cannot refuse a relationship just because it is temporary. Otherwise people will think we are crazy. We should accept it and remember that it is temporary. In this way we recognize the difference between a temporary truth and an eternal truth.

The first emergence from the background of existence is called “Maya” (illusion). Illusion is the veil of the Mother of the World. Without illusion, ignorance and darkness there would be no game of Creation. We could not establish relationships with each other and with Creation but we would remain in a dream state and would not develop. We develop by building relationships. We experience, learn, attain fulfilment and finally recognize the beauty and glory of Creation.

Relationships are nothing but masks, and behind the veil there is only one soul working as many. It is important that we remember every morning that we are the soul and work through the personality. We must remain entirely as localized consciousness to work out the game of life. It is about understanding that we always play different roles when we enter the field. All the relations we build in life are like roles in a movie or a drama.

Relations with each other and with Creation change over time; they are ways of taking action. Even if we only look at the relation between two people, there are many roles - friend, counsellor, mother, helper in need, etc. The roles are not permanently fixed definitions and we should accept the situations where roles change. When we define situations, we take the wrong positions. Some people have name plates at their homes indicating their positions as advisors. But they are not advisors to people who do not receive advice. A person who is a teacher should not believe that he is always a teacher. He is only a teacher when he teaches. He is a husband to his wife and a father to his children. For people who do not learn from him, he is not a teacher either.

Our relations are not part of us; they exist in our mind. However, we tend to appropriate things and relationships and then cling to what we have built: my property, my people, my thoughts, my wisdom. When we say, “She is my wife,” is she always a wife for me or for herself?

We develop ties to temporary things and temporary relationships and suffer from our notion of possessing. When a relationship breaks, we despair that it no longer exists. It is important to understand that things come to pass. But it is not enough just to know this; it should become our constant experience, so that we are not desperate when worldly relationships end. When someone suddenly dies, it is okay to cry for a while, but it is good to understand that death is normal. It helps to imagine what it would be like to meet the person again one year after death. He would no longer recognize us because the relationship is no longer real to him. Even your own wife or husband would not recognize you.

In Bhagavatam it says that two souls such as a man and a woman are like two pieces of wood swimming in the waters of life. Through the current of time they travel together for a certain time. The stream of water brings the two pieces of wood together, and after a while they go in different ways again. The relationship does not last beyond a certain time. Some relationships can last longer, some are very short. Today we fall in love, tomorrow we get married and the day after tomorrow we get divorced again. Only soul relationships last long, not personality relationships.

Like every game has its own rules and regulations, the game of life has its own rules and regulations. If we want to join the game of life, we must respect the laws of right relationship. We must not violate them and we must not harm others. It is a farce to believe that we can follow the spiritual path and at the same time deceive or exploit others or have wrong relationships with the opposite sex. We cannot interpret the laws in our own terms. They are not man-made; they are laws of nature, which are recorded in the scriptures. The scriptures teach what relationship we should have with minerals, plants, animals, humans, the Devas and the universe, how we should behave as children, as young people, as adolescents, as seniors, as women, as men and what relationships we should have with each other. This means: how should I behave towards women, men, children, young people, young adults, the elderly, plants, animals, the earth, water, etc.? Individually, at group level and at national level, we should follow the laws of right relationships, show respect for life, serve life and offer ourselves for the good of the environment. We must learn to cultivate right relationship. The heart calls for togetherness. In communion there is joy, bliss and the beauty of life.

It is not easy to build good relationships. We need teachers to illustrate the basic laws. The life of every true teacher is an example we can follow: how does he behave in relation to family, profession, society and his spiritual aspirations? We cannot approach wisdom only with a mental orientation. If we neglect to build right relationships around us, we will not make much progress. And if we do not abide by the laws of right relationships, we come into conflict. Then we may intend many things, but our nature does not cooperate with us. We may want to meditate daily, but we cannot. Everything we build - family, wealth, property, society - will bind us. When we are in conflict with others and criticize others, the Master cannot work with us.

All relationships at the personality level exist only on the basis of obligatory karma. The members of our family gather around us because we have obligations to them. In everything we do for others, we simply pay off debts to them. There are different kinds of mutual karmic obligations. It is the same at work. We live in a society; we have to serve it and we receive financial compensation for it. We get emotional relation as a return from the family. The same applies to the relationship between men and women. What one does for the other should not be considered a service. We should also not try to bind others through relationships, so that they can no longer move freely. Then the other person is just trying to escape from this bond.

We come together through karmic relationships and we part again. When there is no more karma, but you still stay together, it is friendliness. Friendliness means to support, to cooperate but not to expect. Being friends on the soul level is different from being friends on the personality level. Master CVV defines the word “friend” as “free end”, which means no holding. In the teacher-student relationship, a true teacher never holds the students.

When we feel unconditional friendship or love towards others, we always remain friendly and united in love, no matter what the others do. Then no one is obliged to the other anymore. Very few remain with us even after the obligatory karma has been fulfilled. They are called “companions of life”, friends for eternity. They continue to walk together as souls, life after life. This is a very high degree of relationship; there are no expectations or obligations between them. For example, Master Morya and Master Koot Hoomi have been together for over 5000 years.

Sources used: K.P. Kumar: Nutrients for Discipleship. Notes from seminars. The World Teacher Trust - Dhanishta, Visakhapatnam, India