Marriage and Family Life

Wisdom Teachings | Right Living
Re-Establishing the Family System
Book: Marriage - The Sublime Sacrament

Those who want to enter into the kingdom of light cannot avoid their duties and obligations in the objective world. The Yoga of Synthesis says, “Grow well in all aspects of life. If something is denied to you, it is different, but if you deny something, it will come back.” We can be in every objective dimension and still be a yogi. The yogic practice is a subjective exercise to reach the Light, so that with the help of this Light we do the work on Earth in a harmonious way.

Many people think that they only truly practice yoga and meditation when they leave their family and give up their job. It is a wrong understanding that one should not marry when on the path of yoga, or that one should not have children or that one should leave the family. Those who ignore professional, family, social and physical obligations are not behaving correctly. Instead, we should learn how to fulfil our obligations and responsibilities. When we do so, we remain free. Otherwise we create karma.

There are many saints or teachers in the form of sanyasis who do not marry, do not have a job and do not have their own household. They may teach and heal, but they are only partially fulfilled and not perfect yogis. This does not mean that they don’t have knowledge, but they are not role models for society. The seers say, “Deceived are those who go into the forest in pursuit of God without experiencing life. He who just retires into the forest or retires from the active life in the world is in a state of self-deceit. One does not gain the related experience and hence does not have the necessary knowledge.” One does not know the problems of making money and social life; or know the problems of domestic life and marital life.

Great initiates are androgynous in their nature, that is, the male and the female in them is very well balanced. Their nature is perfect; depending upon the purpose of their incarnation, they lead a family life or remain unmarried. Most of them live in families to give us an example that it is our responsibility to have children and to pursue the continuity of life. The Seven Seers - the incarnations of the seven rays –all live in families. They have wives and children; they have their vocation and they interact with the society. They enjoy in every aspect of life - spiritual and mundane. Therefore, they stand as good examples for all. Master Djwhal Khul says, ” My disciples are in the thick of worldly activity. They are not afraid of being in worldly activity, but they remember that they are not of the world, that they are in the world.”

Master CVV says that his yoga should be practiced while living a normal life: “ My energy functions fully and completely when people live in families. Both, male and female will receive My energy in so far as they live a regulated life.” He even married twice. He believes in the marital system. He asserts that the householder is the backbone of every society and he does not allow his followers to remain unmarried.

There are many people today who do not believe in marriage. They do not feel compelled to act according to religious patterns and old customs. This corresponds to the Aquarian Age. Couples live together for years before they get married, if they marry at all. Many also separate again after a few years of marriage. When parents separate, the children experience much conflict and they experience the parents' actions as irresponsible. No matter how much the parents share the responsibility, for the children a separated situation is not the same as a state of harmonious parenthood.

There are various types of sexual relationships for example, homosexual marriages. In the name of freedom, people go through experiments of trial and error that can be traced to the past individual karma. In some way their actions are guided by their souls, which are free. But by sexual experimentation people lose their integrity and the understanding of obligations and responsibility. Responsibility enables the fulfilment of obligations, of karma. The conflicts arising from a lack of understanding of the sacrament of marriage are ancient. If we understand marriage only as permission for sexual relations, we are no better than an animal. Animals and even insects copulate. But copulating is different from marriage. Marriage is a special sacrament for the human being. Only man has the possibility to marry.

Many people think that marriage is a social institution. But we must recognize behind the social, there is the spiritual. Every wedding calls in energies from higher systems; the subtle intelligences are always happy when a wedding is held. It is an act of good will and it happens for the benefit of the entire globe and all living beings. Vaivasvata Manu, the founder of our humanity, places special emphasis on the fact that marriage is a sacrament. It is considered the most sacred of all sacraments and it comes from the principle of yoga, or the principle of union. Marriage is a symbol of the union of spirit and matter, of personality and soul, of soul and super-soul.

God is male-female, and marriage aims at the reunion and fulfilment of the male and the female energies. Male-female is the beauty of creation. There is no domination of the male over the female or the female over the male. Their beauty, power and potential are equal. They are equal and they are friends. The male energy contributes as much to creation as the female energy. No male is completely male and no female is completely female. In both, the male-female energies exist, but they exist not in their optimum balance. The strengths of one partner fill up the deficiencies of the other, and vice versa.

Marriage as a sacrament aims at balancing of the energies of the male and the female in such a manner that their life expresses love in all their dimensions. In its higher dimension love transforms into friendliness: I live and I let you live; I allow you to relate to me and I relate to you. The highest purpose of marriage is companionship. It is the communion of souls, but not the communion of bodies. They stay together to relate to the universal soul. Thus, the spouses make a lifelong commitment to each other and promise to support the other until life ends. Therefore, according to the original law, neither the man nor the woman remarry, even when there is departure by way of death. Today, like many other things, the institution of marriage got degenerated. Its higher values will return in the future.

The idea of marriage is that two soul-companions travel together for life. In such a community, one learns to share with the other, to sacrifice for the other, and thus, one begins living in the heart of the other. Even if the man travels long distances, the woman stays in his heart. Likewise the man stays in the heart of the woman. Once they are united with the fire as witness through the sacrament of marriage, they do not feel separated.

According to the wisdom teachings, marriage is a ritual, a sacred act of proffering bodies to beings. That was the original purpose of the sex instinct. Sexual desire should not be suppressed, but be satisfied through marriage. In youth, between the ages of 7 and 21, one should learn to regulate desire. A good education and a sound economic basis are the prerequisites to enter into a marital relation. Today the order of priorities is often lost. Young people think of sex at an early age, beget children and do not know how to raise children or build their lives. They do not have the necessary education for serving the society through a profession. First one should complete their education and a sound economic basis should be gained. This is seen as the appropriate way of building a life together.

The sexual instinct was given so that people could use the fire in them to give other people the grand opportunity to be able to live and evolve in a human body. This is an act of sacrifice, an act of good will. Only later, it became the experience of sexuality for sexuality's sake. Sexuality was only intended for procreation, to proffer bodies for souls. If we deny this, we are denying a great opportunity to waiting souls, and we too would be denied this possibility in the future. That is the law. It is said in the scriptures: “It is not so easy to obtain a human form. It came to us because of our parents, and we are to be grateful to them by giving similar opportunity to other beings. Otherwise, our debt to parents and society remains. This will be an obstacle for our spirituality.

We also have the duty to repay our debt to society. In the Vedas, there is a saying, “Do not disconnect the lineage.” Therefore, we should have children and thus continue the river of life.

Sources used: K.P. Kumar Marriage - The Sublime Sacrament. Div. seminar notes/ E. Krishnamacharya: Book of Rituals. The World Teacher Trust - Dhanishta, Visakhapatnam, India (www.worldteachertrust.org)